Why Do People Go to Therapy for Years and Years?

Many people believe a therapist is there to give advice.  However, a therapist is much more like a coach or a teacher than he is an advice giver.  An advice giver helps you learn skills rather than use skills.  A therapists job is to first advise, but also to help you begin using and honing your skills.  Remember, learning coping skills is different than being able to use coping skills in the heat of a stressful moment.  Coping skills are just like any other skill like learning to read or play basketball.  They often take months or years of practice to perfect.  This is why people return to therapy again and again week after week. 

The therapist is there to help you practice coping skills and fine tune your coping skills similar to the way a music teacher would help you fine tune your guitar skills in guitar lessons week after week.  I may be able to tell you to speak respectfully to your mom.  But when mom is really pressing your buttons, it is hard to just be respectful.  That is because you haven't practiced it enough.  A good therapist is there to help you do just that, again and again until you get good at it on your own.  Sometimes this takes a while.